Spelling Bee in Your Bonnet

Sue is getting carpal tunnel surgery so I asked the kids to make cards for her.

Grant: Dad, how do you spell "love"?
Dad: Ask Bryn, she knows.
Bryn: L-O-V-E
Grant: Bryn! you can't teach me!
Dad: But Bryn was right. That's how you spell it.
Grant: I don't want her to tell me.
Dad: It's just like Bryn said: L-O-V-E

A few minutes later...

Grant: Dad, how do you spell "you"?
Bryn: Y-O-U
Grant: Bryn! Stop!

Here are the cards they made:

Rules of Engagement

While preparing for a Lego war versus his brother, Cole wrote down this plan, describing a new attack vehicle he designed.

1. If it touches it, it will disappear. [√]
2. If Grant has that power it won't work. [√]
3. It is a Lego monster remote truck. It will be awesome.

Legal Loophole

Following an altercation Sue ordered the boys to perform some service for each other. Not long after that I overheard the following exchange.

Cole: Remember how we pinched each other and we're supposed to do something for each other. So my thing is that you have to clean my hamster cage.

Grant: Well, my thing is that you can't make me do that.

And don't get her started about spiders

Bryn came running up to me breathlessly:
"Dad! I need to tell you something!"

Me, thinking: Sounds important. Is the cat on fire? Did the groundhog see its shadow? Did the hamsters escape again?

She continued: "Bugs are trickier because they can stand on the ceiling."

Ah yes, those tricky bugs.

Potty Humor

Bryn: What is the funniest word in the world?
Dad: Hmmm, I don't know, maybe "dirt".
Bryn: No, it's toilet.

Bryn: Actually, I can't say the funniest word or you'll be mad.


Ah. I see she's been talking to her brothers...

It's a Wanderful Life

While Sue and I were at choir practice the kids were playing in the church nursery with several other children. Grant was talking about who was there and described a two year old named Lillie, "She's wanderful because she was always wandering all around."

My Favorite Christmas Card

Bryn came to me today and handed me this Post-It note.

Then she read it for me.

Dear Dad,
Merry Christmas.
I love you very much.

Hukt on Faniks Shopping List

See if you can find the following in this list that Cole helpfully made for Sue's use:

• milk
• potatoes
• whipped cream
• wheel (for the hamsters...)
• straws
• mouth wash
• chicken food

Ho! Ho! Ho-bbit.

Santa Elrond

I recently started reading The Hobbit with the boys and tonight I read the part where Bilbo and the dwarves arrive at the valley of Rivendell and meet the elves. Grant asked, "What are elves?" I told him they are a type of people but they're not real. Cole was quick to point out, "But Santa's elves are real."

I stand corrected. This is certainly not the season to cast doubts at the jolly old elf and his elvish assistants.

The Grantwick Papers

Stake conference today. Sue was in the choir so I was a lone dad wrangling three bored offspring. In an attempt to distract them I suggested that Grant and Cole write a story. This is what Grant produced:

Here is a line by line translation:

Once there was a
slug that was very
naughty because he was
walking (picture of the slug, including feet) and
he found a cactus.
He did not want to go
near it but his sisters lived
in the cactus so he was climbing
up the cactus but the cactus
was poking him too much.
So he decided to go down his secret
door but it was locked so he dug a hole
inside the cactus but his sisters
were so mad that they kicked him
out.
The end.

Naturally this required a second chapter which he wrote after we got home.

So he had to find a new
home.

Nice resolution. Can anyone say "Pulitzer"?

OCD Warning!

Grant: I don't want to get bumps like this (points to a picture of warts) so I'm washing my hands a lot. Sometimes I almost wash them three times in a day.

Grant - Journal Entry

This entry is undated but is estimated to have been written in late spring of this year.

Translation of the left hand page:
Grant I
mumble.

Transcription of the right hand page:
I froo a plant in u
bd gis undrpants.
It groo tu bee a big
sunflawr and
it wus sticeeing
awt uv his undrp
ants.

Translation of the right hand page:
I threw a plant in a
bad guy's underpants.
It grew to be a big
sunflower and
it was sticking
out of his underpants.

It is unclear who the uni-browed, sandal wearing man on the left is.  The lack of a sunflower sticking out of his underpants would seem to preclude his being the bad from the story on the right.  However, it is possible that this portrait was from happier days before his bad guy ways took over and resulted in the agricultural assault described.

Spring Has Brought Me Such a Darn Surprise

We drove by our neighbor's house and observed the ground beneath their cherry trees covered with petals.

Sue: Look! It's pink snow.

Grant (mad about an unrelated topic): It just a bunch of darn blossoms.

Dare to Dream

I played Life with the boys tonight.  Grant started out as a policeman but after a midlife crisis he switched careers to "Superstar".  He seemed to like the change although he missed being able to confiscate $5000 from the rest of us when we'd spin a 10.  He started saying, "Superstar!" at random times for the rest of the game.  After the game ended, (Grant won with $2.1 million) he got up for a moment and returned to the table but somehow missed the chair and fell on the floor (this happens a lot with Grant).  A few seconds later he peeked up over the edge of the table with one last, "Superstar!"

Cole's Credo

Here's a boy who's got it all figured out.

Of course, that last line may need some updating...

My Brother Made Me Do It

Bryn (after tattling on Cole): Dad, I wasn't tattling.  Cole was making me tattle.

Astronomy With a Capital G

After watching Wallace & Grommit in "A Grand Day Out" I asked the kids, "Do you think the moon is really made of cheese?"
Bryn's immediate response: "No! The moon is a cookie."

The Moon's the North Wind's Cooky

(What the Little Girl Said)

The Moon's the North Wind's cooky.
He bites it, day by day,
Until there's but a rim of scraps
That crumble all away.

The South Wind is a baker.
He kneads clouds in his den,
And bakes a crisp new moon that . . . greedy
North . . . Wind . . . eats . . . again!

-Vachel Lindsay (1879-1931)

Good Night, Gracie

While riding in the car, Grant is mad at Bryn for... well, it doesn't really matter.

Grant (trying to sound authoritative and preparing to deliver a withering riposte): Are you talking to me?
Bryn (quietly): no
Grant (still authoritative, add annoyed): Are you talking to me?
Bryn (quietly): no
Grant (more annoyed, more bossy): Say it louder. Are you talking to me?
Bryn (quietly): no
Grant (more annoyed, louder): Are you talking to me?
Bryn (quite loudly): NO!
Grant (with faux patience): Don't say it like that. Say it like this: "yes" or "no".
Bryn: ...
Grant: Say "yes" or "no".
Bryn (without a hint of guile): Yes or no.

We almost missed the punchline because we were laughing so hard from the set up.
That girl is on her way to being a world class tease. And Grant plays the straight man perfectly, if inadvertently.

5 going on 15

Grant:(5yrs old)  "Mom, when will I be old enough to have a phone?"
Mom: "I dunno - maybe 14."

Grant: "How 'bout a pocket knife?"

The Art of War

Epidsode 1:
    Cole:  You started it!
    Grant:  Well, you MADE me start it!

Epidode 2:  (in the bath)
    Grant:  YOU started it!
    Cole:  How did I start it?
    Grant:  Well, you [insert generic accusation]
    Cole:  That's not starting it!